My little Artist

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Monday, November 30, 2009

I've deleted every single mutual friend related to her, that's her request... I do not wish to see any of her friends caught in between as they are not always so updated.
I'm a junk, I'm an ass-hole... Something is just not correct. I never intend to let you know as I'm going into army in less than half a year time and she's already going to be in Czech. Yes I do love her a lot. In fact I've never loved anyone in this lifetime like for her, she has shown me what unconditional love means and that's why I loved her so much. I told her that I had girlfriend and she broke down, same like you. But she took it in such a more gracious way, and she told me that she cannot love me like the way you do, where you are always by my side, concerning and caring for me for we are far apart. She is glad that I have you and I should continue my happiness with you and she'll go out of picture, you might think that she's slut for doing that for it may be part of her devious plan, but it's not. It took me a very hard time to convinced her not to leave this relationship.
I had never viewed either of you as plan B. Both of you have your own uniqueness, both of you make me smile in a different way of your own. All these time, you have become more and more like my wife image, and she is already my wife material image.
As much as I fantasies of a great happy ending with her, both of us knows that there is our own difficulty and challenges, hence we had never try to think too much into it, we just try to love while we can and treasure the time.
I do not know if this is the best for both you and my situation, but whatever has happened had happened and could not had been done any better. Even if I have to die a million times, this same thiing will still happen.
This is a journey, the end point is not marked till the very last breathe we take. I cannot see the future, No one can...
Guess, my comfortable with you and so much that you have become part of my life, I have to start getting in tune and change according to it. Sundays are never the same anymore, Dinners are never the same anymore, Movies are never the same anymore.
What I have done to you is my fault, that's why I always say that people always say I'll be successful and I worry because of ALL THESE! Not others but THESE... That was what I always meant, That's what I always meant when I told you that I'm not a good boyfriend, THAT WAS WHAT I MEANT.
I owe you too much in this life that nothing can be repaid. I won't end my life and no single human being will take my life. Since you left... I wish you best, don't have to forgive me and i'm glad that you do not hate me.
Kiss me goodbye all bonds broken all strings detached all ties losened and both soul seperated.
You'll always be in good memory, though not the best.

I Draw @ 4:53 PM

Saturday, May 09, 2009

"Shackles (Praise You)"

Whoo!
It sure is hot out here
Ya know?
I don't mind thought
Just glad to be free
Know what I'm saying, uh!

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
(What'cha wanna do?)
I just wanna praise you
(Yeah, yeah)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
(Uh feel me?)
And I'm gonna praise you
(What'cha gon do?)
I'm gonna praise you

In the corners of mind
I just can't seem to find a reason to believe
That I can break free
Cause you see I have been down for so long
Feel like the hope is gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise you through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you
I'm gonna praise you

Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gon lose my mind
But I know you wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load
Cause I can't take it anymore

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you
I'm gonna praise you

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you
I'm gonna praise you
[repeat x3]

Take them off
What'cha gonna do, yeah

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you
I'm gonna praise you

I Draw @ 12:59 PM

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

This is a untouchable topic among the world of Christians and religious people. Magic in olden days have been seen as a form of dark art. able to turn leafs into money, Move things at will. Do things that are out of the world, predictions, hypnotism. All these above has been seen as spiritual to most people. But in our developing country, more than 70% of the magic has been seen to many as tricks, sleight of hands, illusions and manipulations.

Sad and also good to say, about 30% of the magic's secret is still kept very well and still allowing "lehman" people to conceive it as it is spiritual, things like mentalism, hypnosis and predictions.
Being a practitioner of Magic for 1 Year and 5 months and most improtantly a failthful Christian for more than 10 years. I have always adhered myself from performing hypnosis and mentalism to Christian friends and even abstain the information from them that I am capable of performing such acts.

As they will always conceive it as it's spiritual and of demonic. But here is a secret to all of you. They are not. In fact hypnosis is being used by psychologist in aiding patients to calm their state of mind down. relac their bodies. People often associates hypnotism with manipulating one's mind in going against his or her conscience or righteousness. In fact, a hypnotism can only be success when the participant is opened minded and trustworthy of the hypnotiser. A hypnotiser cannot make their participants go against their will during the induction process. Even in a hypnotised state, the participant is fully aware of what is happening around them.

Hypnotism deals with science on human minds, personally I've read books on human brains. about the chemical that the brain releases when we feel a certain way. And it is through these, we are able to make our hypnotism a success.

If hypnotism and prediction is made in a way that it's absolutely spiritual to you, then I got to say a big thank you. For you really made the performer a good and definitely satisfied the performer for his Ego as this is the way, WE want you to perceive. The more supernatural you conceive it. The more powerful and God fueled we are to you.

I Draw @ 11:59 AM

Monday, June 30, 2008

Static-X The Only

I Draw @ 7:55 PM

Friday, March 07, 2008

Prayer (Physically Tired, Spiritually Crushed) Tommy Chiang Jian Hong

Father Lord, it's my first time I try to pray by typing in as a blog entry. As I want to keep it down in memory that this is the lowest day of my life till this day I'm on earth.

I've been seeing the same faces for almost the past one week, not that I don't like seeing their face, but I'm seeing their face because I have to do stuffs, meeting and make things happen together with them. Really inspired and encouraged. Yet, still physically tired as I have to go around from places to places, making purchases, making calls to remind them even when I'm at home sleeping, ensuring that what they're doing is right and on track, going from places to places to ensure what they planned out are correct. But I can see the great effort put in by these 2 person whom I'm seeing for the past few days. This is not a prayer of complaint this is a prayer of encouragement to myself seeing these 2 person growing to be mature and responsible Man. And also to encourage myself that even at my tiredness, there was a good cause. Lord, I want to be a vessel for you and to be used by you. Use me and mould me to work for Your Purpose and Glory. I want to serve You no matter how Physically Tired I am Lord, I pray that you grant me strength to keep on keeping on with You Lord.

Today, a lot of things was came to realisation. The phrase "Child Like Faith" does not live in my life anymore.

Boys' Brigade is my current ministry for God, it's my calling. I'm always proud to tell others how great is my current serving company. We have wonderful, dedicated, wise and of good leadership qualities Officers in my company. And surprisingly, my spiritual mentor is not from my church, but he is an officer of the Boys' Brigade company I'm serving him. Recently officers come and officers go. The officers that I see in this current company are totally different in all from those days that I was a boy. Because most of them are moving on in life, getting married, starting up family and having children. And hence they got to be wise with their family planning, and stay out of the Boys' Brigade business for a while. Understanding...

But I looked to myself and I asked, will this happen to me one day? When I get married? When I start a a brand new family? When I have children of my own. Will I leave this wonderful and fruitful ministry that had brought me to what I am today? It's still and burden and question in my heart. I feel like the company I'm in is decaying, some new officer who came in about 2 years ago, whom I always felt that he is doctrinally wrong and I always believe that he's here for some purpose that willl benefit to himself, But he had also taught me some great life lessons. Even though I don't look up to him, he still taught me life lessons and shared with me enriching stuffs. This particular officer's true colour came out recently when he published a book that he wrote called "Brigade My Companion", his book has not been selling well, as it's very christian material based and cannot be sold in the Brigade HQ as there is religion sensitivity in uniform groups in Singapore. And he had not been attending regularly for parades, shouting over the phone at people and at his captain, who is also my captain. What have this marvellous ministry that I'm proud to share with people become?

I heard that sponsoring church wants to close it down, cause even though we're doing good in terms of strength size and attendance, but we're not bringing enough boys to attend the sponsoring church. So far, I know that about 2 handful of boys had attended the church and 2 of them have even become cell group leaders and zone leaders in the church. And I'm still down here... But God, it's not the whether these boys attends the church, I thought it's if these boys have heard and learnt of Your Word? We do give Boys Christian Education and teach about the word of God. As it's part of a core badege work, but we can't just start inviting boys to church as it's a religion sensitivity issue in the uniform groups. So much values I have in my life are all first started with the training I have during those days I was a Boy in the Brigade. Are Churches going in worldly results that satisfies their needs and wants?

I already had a very bad Cell Group Leader, whom I can pick nothing good from her to learn from, but instead the only things I learn from her is that I try not to become what she is. Yet, someone in the Headquarters spoke to me about City Harvests Chaplain and Officer. I am never against colouring of hair, I want my hair to be coloured too. But there's always a correct place and time to do the correct things. Chaplains going for Award Presentation Ceremony with the Boys' Brigade Officer's Full Uniform with coloured hair and still proud to share of it with his fellow officers from his church? Captains who lies to the Headquarter about money issues? Lie-ing to people saying that payment is done when it's not. And when payment made only paid half of it? For sure, people who are in leadership positions in my church will speak up for these people. Why not you come and hear the full story from me? It's good to defend your own fellow church members. It's the correct thing to do, but to what extend? Ain't I City Harvest Church Member, why not believe in me and defend for me?

What have my life become into Lord? I know that my life should not be affected by these people. My walk with You should not falter because of these people. But the truth is, it's directly affecting me. It's my Cell Group Leader!!! The Chaplain is one of my Church's Supervisor, to become a captain of a company is like being a Cell Group Leader!!! They are all consider and are part of my Church's LEADERSHIP!!! Look at that officer that came in to serve with a motive that serves for his better good. He is my fellow officer, my friend. Someone Boys should look up to.

I know humans are not perfect. But God, it's still affecting me.

Right now, I'm physically Tired and Spiritually Crumbled... One of my greatest need right now, is someone who is close to me to pray with me and to see me through all these...

God, I'm here alone, no one to share to but you. You're Heavenly Father. Though with tears in my eyes and this lost sense of feeling in my heart. I don't want to put You aside. I want to pray to You. Not to give me strength, not to complain. But to enlighten me and open up my eyes and heart. I'm at the peak of my life, and also at the lowest of my life...

Guide me Father, guide me...

I Love You Heavenly Father, and I want to trust in You everyday of my life. May you hear the cry and burden of my heart.

I pray these in Jesus's name... Amen...

I Draw @ 12:38 AM

Friday, November 30, 2007

Please pardon me that in one day I wrote down so much stuffs.

Went for the opening of BB SGB ( Boys' Brigade Sharity Gift Box ) early in the morning today. Was invited there to be an usher to help in the event itself. The Guest of Honour was Prime Minister Lee Hsien Long. Had my time with him, was introduced to him as President's Men of year 2006. He asked me what am I doing and was also giving good comments on the course that I'm taking. Had my time with the Legendary Mr SP Chua himself. He is 93 years old this year and still serving in the Boys' Brigade. He shared with me about his life as a boy. And he is greatful to God and Boys' Brigade as he is still healthy and standing. He even stood up without the help of his maid to prove to me. WOW!

Main point that I want to blog here is that I learnt alot. The Brigade President, Mr Tan Kok Heng now working in the Human Resource Department of MOE was also an Colonel in the Singapore Arm forces. He taught a few of us President's men on how how the whole event was set up and how we managed to invite Prime Minister Lee down for the event. It is definitely Mind blowing, as you'll never thought of it. Ha haXxx... These are Great Good Leaders!!! Good Leaders are not those who just take lead in front adn care about well fare. Good Leaders are people who have those above mentioned qualities + Grooming people to be better future leaders than they(the current leader) are.

Also had my time with Mr Ljunberg. Please pardon me if I got your name wrongly. He's company always do off shore camping at Pulau Hantu Or Sisters Island. Those idlands which are deserted. And they do it there for their company's life skill camps for 5 days!!! And no can food. What they bring there is Vegetables and raw meat. And it is done very successfully. Next year 17th Company is merging with them to learn from them how it is done. I also got myself involved in as I want to learn from them.

In this corrupted and self-centered world. People who made success out of something others don't do or dare to try. Will normally keep such knowledge and expereice to themselves. But he was so nice. His company invited me with open arms and they are willing to share this knowledge and experience with me. And I was also commmenting that maybe my company should merge and join them for those kind of camps the upcoming year also. And he was more than glad. Even down there, when having my conversation with him, he already started to share about how it all started and how the whole event became what it is today. It's those informations which are already helping me to get a stepping stone to make a fun adveture coming. Ha haXxx...

On this day, I asked Mr Ljunberg and Mr Tan Kok Heng. What drives them to work and get all these things on what they are doing into a great success. I asked them if they did it cause they want to see a change? Is it because they want to be better? Is it because it's out of they're heart and passion or something else? Both of them, asked at a different time when both of them didn't even converse with each other on that day. Gave me the same reply. It was their passion and they followed they're heart to do it. That's what drives them.

From what I observe. One fo the Great Man I know in my life is Mr Teh Siew Yee. He also puts passion and heart in the brigade company when he was an Officer in Command. And those times 61st start to grow. They have to most leaders groomed up during those times. The hoghest number of return rate of boys to serve in the company after they leave their secondary school days are those that are groomed by him during those days.

What is having the spirit of excellence? To me. It ,s not getting things done well, and flawless. Spirit of excellence is to pour all your passion and heart and be devoted, commited into what you are doing. that's the main and primary objective. And for sure!!! For Sure!!! Success, getting things well done and flawless will come along with it.

Amen and Amen... So Be It, So be it... :)

I Draw @ 5:08 PM

I negotiated with my girlfriend that we'll leave Chalet around 10pm. When she wanted to leave at 9pm. I understand that she'll be lonely and feeling out of place. Cause it's not her own click of friends.

I negotiated for 10pm as I want to spend more time with my cell members. Some of you may start having this question in your mind, don't you have enough time with them on Cell Group Meetings, Church Services and so many more. I meet them almost at least twice out of seven days.

Let's talk about Quantity vs Quality. Yes the quantity is there, but the quality isn't. I don't interact with them during service while someone is preaching or praising God when the service starts. I don't interact with them when my cell leader is preaching. These people always rush back home or have their own activities straight after the service. I never really get to spend time to have fun with them to really talk to them and know they're life. In fact through last night, I know who are those people who are gracious with the compliments. I know who are great learners. And I also got a shock that some of the people I thought that only play chess or checkers did play Gears of War before. I also can see who are the people who are responsible for they're tasks which are given to them. I see who are those that have no fears in doing new challenging things. Taking lead. I can ncame them all to you.

I'll defintely admit willingly and whole heartedly that it was my fault for getting my girlfriend home after the negotiated time, and it's not by a little. It is my wrong for not keeping to the end of the bargain.

On my journey home I was thinking, how good it will be if one day. The girl I love and treasure in my life will start to see things in a whole new way. She can see out of the box and place herself in my shoes, and I place myself in her shoes.

Read above, I acknowledged my mistake and from the bottom of my heart I felt guilty for not keeping to the end of my bargain. That's because I placed myself in her shoes. I made her waited, alone with no one else that she is close to, feeling out of place.

But situation of the outcome for my mistake can be brought out in such a more peaceful way. Where no one have to fume over situations. In fact from then, it opened up my heart and mind. I made a promise to God and myself, I'll not fume and blow things up big even when they are big. I'm going to keep it and make it a peaceful habit. To my girlfriend, my wife, my parents and all those who are around me and in my life.

I want to take this time to apologise to my sweeitie Honey though she had forgiven me before I was thinking of all these. She's really a great girlfriend, she forgives fast. Very sweet. :)

Just blogging this entry down, so it can be a reminder and rememberance in my life.

Thank God for enlightening me. Thank God for a Sweet, Great and wonderful Girlfriend.

I Draw @ 4:46 PM

I want to take this oppurtunity to thank Doreen Tay for booking the place. Want to thank Chandra & Wei Wen for making the cell group chalet a fun and meaningful one. People who are backstage like Clarence who took time down for planning and contributing, Hui Min for getting the Food. Chevalier for the Beer. Nicholas Teng for the utensils.

The chalet will not be as organise and fun without their help. I also want to thank God for giving us a great weather on the day.

Yesterday I went to the old Changi Hospital building. It was my first time there. Went there with some of my cell group members. The experience was good. In fact I went in twice. Laugh Out Loud. So many people complimented me for being brave as I went in the building on my own the first time when no one else do. But seriously it's dark in there, you need torch light. People, I'm not as brave as you think I am. If you want to know why I'm not brave? Because in me I was afraid. But it was what I believed that overcame my fear. 1John4:4.

I Draw @ 4:27 PM

Friday, November 16, 2007

This following entry is specially written for Simon from Usher Ministry, Group 4, City Harvest Church.

I was in church from 9am till 12am for my logistics duty. Along with me there is this brother name Simon. Just that in the morning part, he was helping out for his group support and not logistics duty. On last saturday, Ushers are suppose to report in formal wear as there is a Guest speaker coming to our church.

Simon with the knowledge knowing that the dress code is formal but he assumed that working as logistics personel, he don't have to be in formal as we're operating at the back end and always have to be flexible to carry stuffs and operate around the vacinity.

The point that I wore formal cause someone specially text me and told me to put on formal, if not I would not even had put on formal on my own.

On this day, Simon's Logistics duty starts from 1pm. And he is yet a full fledged Logistics personel of City Harvest Church Usher Ministry, and is going to be evaluated on the day. And he only know about the information quite last minute due to someone mistake.

So when he reported at 1pm for his logistics to me and another logistics personel. He was faced with a harsh tone by another Logistics personel on whyw asn't he on formal. And was forced to go and put on Formal Wear no matter how. Simon lives in Khatib and church is at Singapore EXPO. What he did really strike my heart was that, he took a cab out somewhere and purchased an entire set of formal wear from head to toe, Shirt, pants and shoes...

This brother earn less than SGD$2K a month. And he went the extra mile to purchase a whole set of SGD$100. Straight away, I asked myself if I'm him will I even do that? I believe strongly no.

But one important learning point that I want to come from is Passion of the Heart. Though on the day of his evaluation it wasn't up to the standard. But I believe that with a heart ofwillingness, learning and humbleness. He is bound to do Great in the Ministry. He really impacted me at that point. So no matter how good a person is in he's experience and knowledge. What is most important is still a learning and humble heart.

I can have so many stuff to talk about this. Like relating from the Bible that the heart of a person is very important. It just shows how much it can bring them to. Once again, well done Simon, don't lose heart. Trust God and Keep on keeping on...

I Draw @ 5:17 PM